Note: My listing of a link does NOT mean that I agree with the information and opinions found at each site or that any of these sites will be helpful to anyone. I say this because I am not a mental health professional nor an expert on any of the conditions or situations mentioned below. I provide this collection of links as starting sources of information on these conditions which, in some cases, are involved in longterm serious estrangements between people who love each other or once did love each other.
This is not a comprehensive list as this is a subject that would take far more space and time than I can devote to it here. I have found some of the books and information linked here to be personally helpful to me.
Asperger's Syndrome, Asperger's Disorder or AS is an autism spectrum disorder. I heard of Asperger's for the first time that I can recall in 2007. I have read only a little bit about it. Some adults with AS have been in the news after learning for the first time that they have Aspergers. These are people who are married with kids and professions and the whole nine yards. As I read about AS, I thought of people I have known who had some eccentric behaviors and histories. I have been wondering whether . . . ? The big "hmmmmmmmmmmmm?" My father-in-law perhaps?
You'd have to go some distance to find a more reserved person than him! Yet in his profession he was brilliant. Reserved, withdrawn, quiet and smart. Also odd and also estranged from his parents and siblings at his choice. One of the symptoms is social awkwardness and another can be a lack of empathy.
Do you know someone who is reserved? Socially awkward but smart? Clumsy? With poor handwriting? Are you estranged from them? Could you yourself have AS?
Your Child's Disorder May be Yours, Too by Benedict Carey, Dec. 9, 2007, NY Times. (May require registration to read article but registration should be free.) Fascinating article! Worth the trouble of registering if registering is required.
From Page 2 of the article:
"John Halpern, 76, a retired physicist living in Massachusetts, began to review his own life not long after hearing a radio interview with an expert on Asperger’s syndrome. He immediately recognized himself as a textbook case, he said, and decided to call his daughter, whom he hadn’t spoken to in 10 years. He wanted to apologize, he said, “for my inadequacy as both a father and a husband to her mother.”
But as soon as he started explaining, he said, his daughter cut him off. “That’s Asperger’s,” she told him. “She knew,” he said. “She had been looking into it herself, wondering if in fact I had it.”
Mr. Halpern said that over several calls they shared feelings and agreed “to work on our new relationship and see how far we can take it.” The two now talk regularly, at least once a week, he said."
Wikipedia article on Asperger Syndrome
Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support: O.A.S.I.S.
“Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s” by John Elder Robison. This is not about estrangement but it is about having Asperger's Syndrome and being diagnosed with it relatively late in life. Robison is the brother of Augusten Burroughs who is the author of "Running with Scissors: A Memoir", an account of his dysfunctional family. Burroughs' book was made into a movie.
Google Search Results on the words: asperger's syndrome.
This disorder can result in impulsive decisions and behavior, extreme irritability, and paranoia. There is a high risk of suicide in people who have this disorder due to the impulsivity and the despair when a sufferer has a recurrence of depression. It is the kind of disorder where people may act before they think things through.
Information on Bipolar disorder at the National Institute of Mental Health
Bipolar Disorder on Psych Central.
“Catching a Darkness: Glimpses of my Sister's Mania” is Boris Dolin's online memorial in photographs and words to Jessica Dolin, his sister, who suffered from bipolar disorder and committed suicide in 2003. The site offers an intimate window on the interior life of a young woman with bipolar disorder and her family's attempts to help her despite her frequent rejections of assistance and her inability to see them as being helpful when she was in the depths of her illness. In 2002 she wrote “The Holy Book of Illusion: A Journey Through Mania” which was her account of what it feels like to suffer from bipolar disorder.
Recovery Through Art: The website of Mara McWilliams.
From the home page of her site: "Mara is in recovery with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, panic disorder, and anorexia. Mara's ultimate goal is to educate our society that through proper diagnosis, treatment, therapy, love, support, and understanding, recovery is possible."
Mara is an advocate for recovery through involvement in the arts, particularly through visual arts and poetry. Two of her poems are included on the Poetry Page.
"Crazy: A Father's Search Through America's Mental Health Madness” by Pete Earley. 2007.
Former Washington Post reporter Pete Earley had written extensively about the criminal justice system. But it was only when his own son—in the throes of a manic episode—broke into a neighbor's house that he learned what happens to mentally ill people who break a law.
This is the Earley family's compelling story, a troubling look at bureaucratic apathy and the countless thousands who suffer confinement instead of care, brutal conditions instead of treatment, in the “revolving doors” between hospital and jail. With mass deinstitutionalization, large numbers of state mental patients are homeless or in jail-an experience little better than the horrors of a century ago. Earley takes us directly into that experience—and into that of a father and award-winning journalist trying to fight for a better way.
"Surviving and Thriving with a Dual Diagnosis", by Lindy Fox. The link to that article became inactive since I first found it. The article was her personal account of experiencing both bipolar disorder and alcoholism that resulted in many years of torment and struggle for her and her family. She has worked on research on dually diagnosed people like herself at the Dartmouth Psychiatric Research Center in New Hampshire. Since the link to that article is no longer good, I did a quick search online for other sources of information on dual diagnosis with bipolar disorder. Here is what I found:
The Mayo Clinic on Dual Disorder
Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol Use Disorder (or another addiction)
Persecutory Type, previously called Paranoid Disorder. May be one of the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
Depression can be triggered by any kind of loss including the loss of someone through estrangement. It can also be a factor in causing a person to isolate and estrange themselves from others.
Note: Many normal people will find some characteristics of personality disorders in their own personality or the personalities of people they know and then conclude that they all suffer from the disorder. However, the difference between having a personality disorder and not having one is that those occasionally concerning characteristics do not rise to the level of obstructing that person’s ability to live their lives, get along with others and achieve their goals in a satisfactory way. Those who have personality disorders encounter serious obstacles to living their life, achieving their goals and getting along with others.
There is a condition that is called: "Medical Student's Disease". That is a disease where you read a list of symptoms and conclude that you and most of the people that you know are suffering from the ailment described!
“Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder” by Randi Kreger and Paul T. Mason, 1998.
“The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Randi Kreger, Paperback. Hazelden 2008. ISBN-10: 1592853633 ISBN-13: 978-1592853632. Randi Kreger is co-author with Paul T. Mason, M.S. of Stop Walking on Eggshells published in 1998.
"Welcome to Oz", an online community set up by Randi Kreger for those who are in or have been in relationships with sufferers of BPD. Randi Kreger is the author of "Stop Walking on Eggshells".
NY Times Consults Blog, June 15, 2009
"An Expert Look at Borderline Personality Disorder", Personal Health columnist Jane E. Brody discusses borderline personality disorder, a surprisingly common mood disorder that has profound ramifications not just for patients but for family and friends as well. One recovered patient describes it as “a serious psychiatric disorder involving a pervasive sense of emptiness, impulsivity, difficulty with emotions, transient stress-induced psychosis and frequent suicidal thoughts or attempts.”
NY Times Consults Blog, June 19, 2009
"Expert Answers on Borderline Personality Disorder". From the Consults blog:
"Recently, readers asked about borderline personality disorder on the Consults blog. Marsha Linehan, professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the developer of dialectical behavior therapy, a technique to treat the disorder, responds." The response section that follows these NY Times articles is as interesting as the articles. Highly recommended reading on the subject. Responders include family members of those who have BPD, mental health professionals, and authors (like Randi Kreger) of books on the subject.
Tom Aplomb: a blog by a writer who writes about many topics. Included in his writings are posts about his thoughts on his failed marriage and his ex-wife. Those writings are what brought me to his site many years ago. Tonight, while working on updating this page, I checked out the link that goes to his blog and found that he continues to write on many subjects. He does not seem to be writing about the subjects that he wrote about when I first found him. In February 2011 he wrote this post which I think maybe wrapped up that period for him. Also this post which related to that post. But I am keeping the link to his blog here even though it no longer fits this particular subject of BPD because otherwise you might never read any of Tom Aplomb’s writing and you really might enjoy it. So give him a visit if you have some time to browse through numerous subjects on which I am sure he continues to write in his very thoughtful compassionate way.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder has some similar elements to Borderline Personality Disorder in the person's self centered approach to relationships. To make things particularly confusing, often those with NPD (or BPD) accuse others with whom they have relationships of suffering from NPD. This is called projection where someone attributes characteristics of themselves to other people. It is also called crazymaking. That is an unscientific term, in case you were wondering.
People with NPD tend to be very difficult to have a relationship with and they tend to cut people off who express any criticism of them. They don't do well in therapy for this and other reasons. They have difficulty admitting imperfection and would see that suffering from NPD would be an imperfection. This means that they are in a Catch-22 situation where they hate to admit imperfection, especially an ailment that affects the mind, and NPD is an ailment that affects the mind. They are caught in between a rock and a hard place where it comes to admitting imperfection.
From the website of the Appalachian State University, click here for a link to a page with links to several web pages on the topic of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The pages include a discussion of what is normal and what is pathological narcissism. There is a paragraph at the bottom of the main page that states that the pages are a result of a project undertaken for a class at the Appalachian State University, fall semester 2001, and that they were compiled by Melissa E. Barth, a Master's degree candidate in the Department of Human Development and Psychological Counseling.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) :
"How to recognize a narcissist" by Joanna M Ashmun, 1998. Very interesting reading on NPD. Also has links to other useful sites and information on NPD.
For more on Personality Disorders, click on this link to Psych Central and scroll down in the page.
Schizophrenia: A devastating mental illness which can often be treated successfully with medication. But then sometimes the person won't take their medication.
About Schizophrenia on NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
Understanding and responding to symptoms of schizophrenia
Some estrangements begin due to differences in religious beliefs and due to involvement in cults. The process of a person aligning themselves with a different group can be due to true interest in a new set of beliefs or it can be a more insidious process that results from someone setting themselves up as a dominating authority figure over others. Some people are more susceptible to this kind of influence than others.
The Battle for Your Mind
Dick Sutphen's The Battle for Your Mind. An essay on brainwashing in our culture & cults - sometimes involved in estrangements. The Stockholm Syndrome is mentioned. I have found articles on the Stockholm Syndrome that interest me in that the Stockholm Syndrome sounds a lot like what occurs in Parental Alienation Syndrome where an inexplicable estrangement can develop despite a previously healthy harmonious relationship with that parent.
The Anatomy of Illusion by Pete Evans,
The Door Magazine 2004. An interview with Rick Ross, founder and Executive Director of the Cult Education Institute.
The Cult Education Institute.
Mission Statement: The Cult Education Institute (formerly known as the Ross Institute of New Jersey) is a nonprofit, tax-exempt 501(c)(3) organization devoted to public education and research. The Institute's mission is to study destructive cults, controversial groups and movements and to provide a broad range of information and services easily accessible to the public for assistance and educational purposes.
The Foster Report on Scientology
Scroll down on the linked page for references to Scientology being implicated in family estrangements.
Freedom of Mind Center,
Steven Hassan, Ph.D., Cult Counselor and Mind control Expert
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) refers to a type of alienation that may occur between children and one parent after a divorce, particularly after a bitter divorce.
Links to PAS information
Article on Wikipedia. ("Parental Alienation" differs from "Parental Alienation Syndrome" but is related.)
National Institute of Mental Health,
NIMH: the largest scientific organization in the world dedicated to research focused on the understanding, treatment, and prevention of mental disorders and the promotion of mental health.
An important word you may have never heard before.
It is the name of a condition that can make it difficult or even impossible for a person with a serious mental health disorder to recognize their condition and accept help and treatment.
It is written about in the book “I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help!” by Xavier Amador.
Anosognosia definition from Merriam-Webster online:
"an inability or refusal to recognize a defect or disorder that is clinically evident"